Monday, November 7, 2011

SEX!! Now that I've got your attention let's talk about sex.


Yep, sex got you where you are today, pregnant, bloated, crazy (I mean 'hormonal).  You're not thinking about letting your man get up in them guts, you're thinking about decorating the nursery, your clothes no longer fitting, and oh yeah, pushing a baby out of your vagina hole in a few short months.  Right now you might as well have an blinking neon 'exit only' sign pointed downtown.

And we respect that, seriously, we do.  Here's the thing, as a man, our chemistry hasn't changed, we don't have a human life growing inside of us, and we're still horny.

How do we rectify this situation?

One word:  Anal.  JUST KIDDING!!  I'm joking, man, I almost lost you, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.


Restrain from making those sorts of jokes, you might get your dick cut off.

And guys, this next part is for you, and I am by no means an expert, but I am looking back at "our" pregnancy in hindsight: 

Men, I'm sorry to say but you're going to have to put in some extra work, it'll be worth it though.  You have to make sure your lady is comfortable physically, emotionally, body image, all of that good stuff.  For a couple months my wife would only let me touch her while she was in the bath, which is a cool scenario anyway.  Light some candles, turn on the Blackstreet Pandora station, you're good to go.

You can also get her lingerie. 

Ladies, if your man gets you lingerie you have to wear it!  Even if it's a bumble bee Halloween costume or a silver American Apparel body suit (but guys, don't do that, get her something simple with maybe a sheer belly cover that emphasizes her humongous boobzz).

And, without getting too graphic, feel free to use a vibrating companion, plenty of lube, and if she doesn't want too much going on in her baby factory maybe C on her T's.

Any questions?

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