Thursday, October 27, 2011
Nocturnal E-Mission Statement
There's a lot of "Mommy Blogs" (probably, I didn't do too much research) by moms who decided to start up a blog to gush about how precious and special their little Bella or Edward is, and "Daddy Blogs" where the dad who is in touch with his sensitive side writes poetry about how his special child has made him a better man.
This is not one of those blogs.
I'm a writer who happens to have impregnated his wife (I mean, we planned it, C-Babe isn't an accident).
C-Babe is my unborn son, my (fake) name is Patrick L. Huber, and my wife's alias will be Mrs. L. Huber. Mrs. L. Huber is an elementary school teacher, she's young and hot and the dads try to hit on her but I have that shit locked down (especially now that I put my seed into her). I am a screenwriter who has had some things produced so I'm only a percentage as desperate as most self described "screenwriters" (speaking of terrible blogs).
My goal for this blog is to talk candidly about pregnancy and fatherhood in a humorous way (and get a book deal). This blog will contain very little to no factual information and any advice given will be mostly for joke's sake.
So if you're a dad who's pretty young and wants to whine about their pregnant wife not giving it up when she's bloated on prescribed bed rest and/or a human who likes things that are funny, this blog might, nay, is definitely, for you my potential friend.
So, let me just start off with a bang, or lack thereof, by giving you my complete, unabridged sexual history. Age 0 to 17 - meh. 17ish - did alright. 18/19 - met my future wife and we've been together ever since, we got married when we were 23. I was a late bloomer who got married young but no regrets in that department. My wife and I have had a healthy sexual appetite and relationship until she got pregnant (or is it we, we got pregnant?).
I only say any of that to set up this factoid, while my wife was pregnant she was repulsed by sex and therefore was not throwing me much of it whatsoever, I had my first and only nocturnal emission thus far as a twenty five year old grown ass man.
An Alt title to this post could also be "Nocturnal Admission"... nice.